You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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