She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
