By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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