some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
