I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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