its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
