I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
