OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
