dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
