the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
