I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
