I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
