I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
this boner is exhausting
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
