is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
