Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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