i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
