mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
