She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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