we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
