you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
