How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
