It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
