we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
