yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
