I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
