I just cut my nipple shaving
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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