It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
