fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
