So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
