I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I will be naked everywhere
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
