I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
don't judge my taste in strippers
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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