woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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