It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
