How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
