just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
