maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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