As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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