I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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