'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
