i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
