if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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