You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
