please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm really busy with my period
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