I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
