I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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