3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
