Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
