PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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