i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
