dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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