didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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