I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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