why didn't you poke me back
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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