I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
