At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
