Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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