Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize