We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
