Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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