Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need to calm my uterus...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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