Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize