i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
