so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
