Tell her she can't have a vagina
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
