I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
