Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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