Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
