where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
