'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
