Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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