WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
