i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
