if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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