He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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