Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
