I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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