she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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