We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
