dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
