you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
