I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I intend to get homeless drunk
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
