Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
