i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
worst night to have a conscience
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
