I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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