I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
