margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
