Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
