Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
