Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
