apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
