if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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