Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
