fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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