She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
