so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
