all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
