i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
