It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
