Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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