While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize