Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
