when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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