i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize