it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
