I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize