went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
