The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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